Today, I felt like writing a post on compatibility.
I’ve been thinking about it and observing it in my own life in several areas lately. And I keep seeing how important compatibility is for relationships (and pretty much any situation) to work, at least over time.
We all need to work on ourselves to heal and release old programming that can be in the way of our ability to form close relationships.
The inner awakening sets the foundation for the quality of our lives, and there is no way around that.
But the other half of the awakening involves the external world, such as relationships, work, and how we live our daily lives.
Getting to know yourself (who you are deep down instead of who you have learned or been “programmed” to be) involves discovering what feels right for you, even in the external world.
It involves finding what is compatible with who you are.
It can be a romantic relationship or friendship. Or a workplace or a country, for example.
Signs of compatibility
A sign of compatibility with another person (or a situation) is that it feels good and that it is easy.
Your nervous system relaxes when you are in the presence of that person, or in that situation because they match who really you are.
That doesn’t mean that everything is working perfectly all the time or that you never feel vulnerable in the relationship (I don’t think that goes away completely, or that it should go away, for that matter). But the overall feeling is safety, and you can relax in the relationship.
Another sign is that the relationship enhances who you are and makes you want to do more of what you love and be even more yourself. You also feel the same way toward the other person. You want them to be all they are.
**There are, of course, other types of compatibility. Some people choose people who they feel good to be around because they match their old programming and it feels comfortable and familiar. But in those cases, it is the programming that is compatible. The old wounds and perceptions from childhood or culture, for example. But that is not what I mean here.
Signs of incompatibility
Incompatibility, on the other hand, takes work. And the main reason is that the energies don’t match.
If it is a romantic relationship, there can still be a lot of love.
But if there is not enough compatibility, the relationship will require work to make up for the fact that the natural compatibility is not there.
Sometimes, it can work anyway if both people want to and put in the effort. But other times, even people who have worked on themselves and the relationship (and love each other) can fall into old patterns or experience obstacles that seem impossible to resolve.
And sometimes they are – because of incompatibility.
Being in a relationship where we are incompatible with the other person can make us feel bad about ourselves. It can also cause us to feel resentment toward our partner.
Sometimes, people also focus on trying to change things about themselves or the other person that can’t be (and are not meant to be) changed. Because the real “problem” is not the thing they are trying to change but the incompatibility.
So, how do we find compatible relationships?
The key to finding relationships and circumstances compatible with who we are is to get to know ourselves and listen to and trust what we feel in our relationships.
Sometimes, we also need to experience relationships and circumstances that are incompatible with who we are to be able to distinguish our preferences and get to know ourselves better.
We learn from experience. And it is all part of life and our development.
