Today, I want to write about “hyper-individualism,” which has become relatively common these days, unfortunately.
More and more people are doing inner work today and getting to know themselves and their needs on a deeper level, as well as their wounds and triggers from earlier in life (which is important).
If we want to have healthy relationships, we need to start with ourselves. It’s essential to get to know who we are, learn our needs, what makes us happy, or what is difficult for us.
Understanding who we are and our needs (and our needs in relationships) is necessary. Communicating them is also essential if we want healthy relationships. And learning to set boundaries, too.
If we don’t know our needs and can’t set boundaries, we will accommodate other people’s needs and wants at our own expense. Many people working on themselves have been in relationships where they have sacrificed their own needs entirely in favor of what others want.
Hyper-individualism
However, people sometimes take it too far, and that’s when it becomes problematic.
When that happens, they become so focused on setting boundaries, getting their needs met, and making up for lost time when they put up with bad behavior in others (even if it has nothing to do with the people in their lives today) that there is little room for anyone else.
They almost lose interest in other people’s needs, who other people are, and other people’s perspectives – even those they are in close relationships with- because they are so focused on setting their boundaries and meeting their own needs.
What they bring to the table in the relationship or who the other person is seems relatively unimportant since more focus is on what they are getting or not getting from the other person.
Their friends’ or their partner’s needs are also often regarded as demands on them or their freedom.
A healthy relationship
A healthy relationship requires mutual interest in each other and two people showing up.
We can’t have a healthy or blossoming relationship with another person if we can’t see that person- if we are not interested in who they are, what they like, and what’s important to them.
And why would we have a relationship with anyone if it is all about us?
We all have to start with ourselves.
But to have healthy relationships with others, the goal of our inner work must be to be secure in who we are – so that we can have relationships where both feel safe and seen.
And where both people’s needs are met.
If we are secure, we don’t have to go all in on protecting our boundaries at all times or calling people out the second they unintentionally overstep one of our boundaries.
We feel safe enough to have a mature discussion if needed. And we can say no without making a big deal about it.
Honest communication doesn’t feel threatening when we are secure, and relationships don’t feel threatening when we trust ourselves.
When we work on ourselves first, we have a healthy foundation from where we show up in our relationships. When we create our own happiness, we also have something to give and bring to our relationships.
And we can focus on the happiness of our partner, friends, or children without feeling we are leaving ourselves. And we can receive other people’s love.
That’s part of the beauty and the reward of doing inner work.
