Thank you so much for your questions here and on Instagram!
I really enjoyed reading them.
I have chosen three questions this time – about intuition, how to know when to stay in or leave a situation that’s not working, and what I like and don’t like about today’s popular spirituality.
Remember that my answers are general and for many people, so I don’t give advice on what to do in specific situations.
All your decisions are completely up to you.
With that said, let’s begin!
Q: How do you know when to stay in or leave a situation that’s not working?
A:
I don’t know the background to the question, but my general answer would be this:
A few things that are worth considering when deciding whether to stay in or leave a situation we don’t feel good about are:
- Where we are on our spiritual journeys, and how much inner work we have done.
- How self-aware we are, and
- How many times we have tried to stay and change our perspective in challenging situations before.
Both staying and leaving can serve us in different situations and at different stages of our paths.
And both decisions can be very valuable, at different times.
When new to inner work
The less inner work we have done, the more it usually serves us to stay where we are until we have worked things through.
The reason is that if there is something inside us that’s causing, contributing to, or attracting the situation we don’t like, we will sooner or later find ourselves in a similar situation again – unless we change internally.
So, in those cases, it’s often better to stay and deal with the problem where we are. That way, we can work it through – and if we do, we don’t have to live with that particular pattern anymore or experience it somewhere else.
So, even if it takes time to work it through where we are, it serves us in the long run.
Work it through alone or with others
When we stay, the most important thing is also to work things through within ourselves.
So, it’s not necessary to make sure everyone else is onboard and wants to work things out with us.
If they do, it’s wonderful. But it’s not required.
However, it can be very valuable to work it through with the people involved in the situation. It is, many times – and I don’t think that’s mentioned enough in spirituality and personal development.
Learning to work things through with others and in relationships can be half the work.
And even if we choose to leave the situation or relationship when we have worked things through, we walk out of there with a new level of experience, maturity, and understanding of other people’s views and experiences – which is extremely valuable both in and of itself and in our coming relationships.
So, staying and working things out can be both wise and valuable.
(The exception is if we are in a harmful relationship or situation).
When we have done a lot of inner work
If we have done a lot of inner work and stayed and worked things through in other places, it’s more likely that what we are experiencing is a sign that we might want to leave.
The more inner work we do, the more sensitive we are to what is good for us and what is not. We also know ourselves better and are more in tune with what is right for us.
It’s easier to see clearly. We know rather fast, and there is often no need to stay and figure out more about why something isn’t right.
I have stayed in many places and worked things through and questioned myself and my perceptions and views throughout the years, and it has been so valuable.
It has also helped me learn to trust myself and what I feel and experience, so now I am quick to leave when I feel something isn’t right. No matter what others say or how things look on the outside.
I usually don’t need to stay and figure out more about why I feel the way I do, I know and trust myself.
Of course, I still find myself in situations when I don’t know what to do, but I usually know faster if I want to be there or not, even if I don’t know the exact next step. So there is an inner clarity, even if I haven’t made a move yet.
But that clarity comes from practice. It has taken a lot of inner and outer work to get here.
I know faster now because I stayed when I didn’t know. That is how I learned.
So don’t underestimate staying.
Q: Can you share something you don’t like about today’s popular spirituality?
A:
There are some things :).
But before I go into them, I want to take a moment to express how happy and grateful I am for how far the collective awakening has come today.
The interest in and acceptance of spirituality we see today in many areas was something I could only dream of when I started my journey almost 18 years ago.
As someone who used to hide a lot of things about my spiritual journey, such as my intuition, multidimensionality, twin flame relationship, and even my sensitivity (I’m an empath), it’s very liberating to be able to express myself more freely and share my experiences the way I do now.
The reason I feel safe to do that now is the collective openness. And all the people who have been brave enough to share their experiences before me.
For that, I am very grateful.
I also think it’s wonderful that there is so much more information and support available for those who begin their spiritual journeys now.
And I’m also happy there is so much more understanding about sensitivity (and other differences).
My heart sings every time I hear about a sensitive child whose parents or teachers understand them because they have read or heard of high sensitivity.
What a gift to be understood and encouraged to be who you are!
(For all of us of course).
Now to the downside…
Loss of depth
As with many things in our fast-paced world, many people don’t have time to go deep – or don’t make it a priority.
And what I think is missing in many cases is depth and experience.
A lot of people know the concepts, and they know ABOUT spirituality and awakening.
But knowing about and knowing are two different things.
Knowing requires experience, and experience takes doing and practicing what we have read, learned, and realized – over and over again until we embody that knowledge.
And that takes time and commitment.
So, even though I think it’s wonderful that spirituality has become so “mainstream” as it is today, some of the depth has also become lost.
Generalizations
Another thing I see as a downside is all the generalizations about behaviors and people.
I completely understand that it’s not easy to go deep in a post on Instagram (I know that from experience!) but I think that things sometimes become way too simplified.
Two people who are acting in the same way can do it for completely different reasons. For one person, the behavior can also be healthy and for the other, it can be unhealthy – depending on the situation and who they are.
But if you read some posts or discussions on social media, it’s easy to think that every woman who likes to work hard is too much in her masculine energy, or that anyone who acts even slightly unkind is a manipulating narcissist.
Maybe I’m taking things a little too far here, but it illustrates my point.
Things are not that simple.
And sometimes, it’s a fine line between educating and informing (and protecting) ourselves and accusing and labeling others.
The latter serves the ego and fuels the separation, and it doesn’t serve human connection or understanding.
Toxic positivity
I also think it’s sad when people believe and try to convince others that the goal of the spiritual path is to be happy all the time and that everything that is not love and light is to be avoided at all costs.
The human experience includes it all, and when we deny our emotions or experiences because we think they are bad or wrong, we close off parts of ourselves and our humanness.
It’s also easy to feel shame or believe that something is wrong with us if we are not positive all the time – if we believe that’s how we should feel.
A healthier approach would be changing the focus from being positive to being real.
Q:How do I know if my feelings are intuition/guidance come from the ego?
A:
It takes practice to hear our inner guidance and even more practice to trust it.
I wish I could say that we can learn it overnight, but many of us have been guided so far away from our inner voice that it takes time, commitment, and practice to trust it again.
But there are things we can do to get there.
When we don’t “hear” our intuition
People often say that intuition is quiet, and sometimes it is.
But the reason we don’t hear our intuition or inner guidance is often that it’s covered over by a lot of inner noise (thoughts, emotions, and reactions).
Therefore, it is essential to take moments where we quiet the mind and go within, for example in meditation, so that we can begin to listen internally.
When we quiet the mind, we have the opportunity to hear what is hidden underneath the surface, and to listen to our inner voice instead of the conditioned thinking or the voices of other people and the world.
It is also very beneficial to do inner work where we release or ”remove” the old programming that’s causing all that inner noise – because that programming is in the way of our intuition.
This means we become aware of old beliefs and ways of thinking, acting, and feeling and begin to free ourselves from them.
When we do, our inner world becomes calmer, and it’s easier to hear our inner guidance.
It is easier to hear our intuition when our inner world is less crowded, so to speak.
When the inner guidance is loud
However, sometimes the inner voice is quite loud, and we don’t need to meditate or do much inner work to hear it.
It’s just that many people don’t listen unless they have proof on the outside, or unless others agree with what their inner guidance is saying or calling them toward, or away from.
Most of the time, there is no immediate proof other than what we feel or know. And it can feel very uncertain to trust and follow that guidance, at least if you are new to it.
But those times, it’s not so much that we don’t hear the inner guidance or that we don’t know how we feel about something. It’s more about that we haven’t learned to trust ourselves enough – so we second-guess ourselves or talk ourselves out of our inner guidance.
And if we don’t do that ourselves, others tend to do it – and we tend to let them.
So here, it’s more about practicing trusting our intuition.
Practice
Here is an example of a first step.
If you feel that you can’t trust someone even if you have no evidence of them not being trustworthy – and even if everyone else thinks they are great, listen to that inner feeling.
Trust the feeling that something is off.
You don’t need to know why. And it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily a bad person. But if you don’t feel good around them, trust that.
That’s a first step.
However, the inner guidance is never unkind, not to you or others – so it’s not about judgment.
Keep practicing
And then, keep practicing.
Become aware of what you feel around certain people, and become aware of ideas or insights you are receiving. And see what happens if you follow them.
The more you listen, the stronger the inner guidance becomes – and it’s also easier to know when it’s guidance and when it’s the mind/ego.
About Hanna Stenefalk
