Stay or leave?
– How to know when to stay in or leave a situation that is not working.
A few things that are worth considering when deciding whether to stay in or leave a situation we don’t feel good about are:
- Where we are on our spiritual journeys, and how much inner work we have done.
- How self-aware we are, and
- How many times we have tried to stay and change our perspective in challenging situations before.
Both staying and leaving can serve us in different situations and at different stages of our paths.
And both decisions can be very valuable, at different times.
When new to inner work
The less inner work we have done, the more it usually serves us to stay where we are until we have worked things through.
The reason is that if there is something inside us that’s causing, contributing to, or attracting the situation we don’t like, we will sooner or later find ourselves in a similar situation again – unless we change internally.
So, in those cases, it’s often better to stay and deal with the problem where we are. That way, we can work it through – and if we do, we don’t have to live with that particular pattern anymore or experience it somewhere else.
So, even if it takes time to work it through where we are, it serves us in the long run.
Work it through alone or with others
When we stay, the most important thing is also to work things through within ourselves.
So, it’s not necessary to make sure everyone else is onboard and wants to work things out with us.
If they do, it’s wonderful. But it’s not required.
However, it can be very valuable to work it through with the people involved in the situation. It is, many times – and I don’t think that’s mentioned enough in spirituality and personal development.
Learning to work things through with others and in relationships can be half the work.
And even if we choose to leave the situation or relationship when we have worked things through, we walk out of there with a new level of experience, maturity, and understanding of other people’s views and experiences – which is extremely valuable both in and of itself and in our coming relationships.
So, staying and working things out can be both wise and valuable.
(The exception is if we are in a harmful relationship or situation).
When we have done a lot of inner work
If we have done a lot of inner work and stayed and worked things through in other places, it’s more likely that what we are experiencing is a sign that we might want to leave.
The more inner work we do, the more sensitive we are to what is good for us and what is not.
We also know ourselves better and are more in tune with what is right for us.
It’s easier to see clearly. We know rather fast, and there is often no need to stay and figure out more about why something isn’t right.
I have stayed in many places and worked things through and questioned myself and my perceptions and views throughout the years, and it has been so valuable.
It has also helped me learn to trust myself and what I feel and experience, so now I am quick to leave when I feel something isn’t right. No matter what others say or how things look on the outside.
I usually don’t need to stay and figure out more about why I feel the way I do, I know and trust myself.
Of course, I still find myself in situations when I don’t know what to do, but I usually know faster if I want to be there or not, even if I don’t know the exact next step. So there is an inner clarity, even if I haven’t made a move yet.
But that clarity comes from practice. It has taken a lot of inner and outer work to get here.
I know faster now because I stayed when I didn’t know. That is how I learned.
So don’t underestimate staying.
About Hanna Stenefalk
